Blood red
by SlytherinElektra
Summary: Katniss thought Gale was fine when in district two. She couldn't have been more wrong. When Hazelle calls her with very distressing news about Gale, she leaves her home. A reunion between two old chidhood frineds happens. Do read the tags, please! Lots of Gale whump, sadness, angstfest.
1. Chapter 1

She almost didn't recognise him, pale and small in that hospital bed. His skin had lost so much color and there were bruises and cuts in his cheeks, in his neck, in his hands. He was sleeping, all his body as close to the wall as possible, almost as if he wanted to make himself smaller. To disappear.

But that's what brought her here, isn't it? His wanting to disappear.

Katniss was horribly take aback by the white bandages that covered both his forearms, even though she had been told. She had been told that Gale had cut his wrists and had been found almost bled out in his bed. Just like this, apparently, snuggled to one side, to the side closest to the wall, simply letting the life escape.

The bed had been completely soaked in red, the sheets heavy and copper scented with his blood. Class IV hemorrhage, Hazelle had told Katniss, if he'd been found ten minutes later he would have died. And he almost had, even when taken to the hospital, because his blood type was scarce and the only bag they got of it had been tagged as "not fit for use". They had used it anyway. He'd developed sepsis (and infection on the bloodstream) on top of everything, but at least it gave the doctors time while some more blood bags were transferred.

So it made sense, the pallor, the high fever, the disorientation. It was caused by the blood loss and the infection of the blood. But they were controlling it, and that was why Gale's mother had called Katniss. Because she'd seen the look in her son's eyes when he woke up and knew, for a fact, that he was going to try again. Something drastic needed to be done and Katniss had always been important to him. She could maybe make a change, inspire some hope on him.

That was why Katniss had said yes to visiting him. Because it was Hazelle asking, and because it was, apparently, a matter of life and death. She thought he was happy on district two. Katniss didn't think about Gale a lot, but when she did she imagined him with a family of his own and a good job. She never tried to find out if that was the case. Never asked about his siblings, or his mom, or anyone. And now she was in front of him, again, and he was sleeping.

And he looked nothing like the Gale she'd said goodbye to. Katniss sat in a chair next to the sleeping man, just like she had after his whipping. The scars from that would never fade - these new ones wouldn't either. He was full of scars, this old childhood friend.

Gale. It had been a while.

There was an IV giving him blood, still. Class four hemorrhage, Hazelle had said, he almost died. There was a bit of sweat in his brow and he was breathing loudly.

She had never seen him this pale. She had never seen him this thin. He'd been saved, but still he was terribly sick.

What was she supposed to say when he woke up? Please don't kill yourself, your mother is worried? I still kind of hate you but not enough to want you dead? If you die I'll lose many of the few memories I have left from my life before the games? There had been a lot of bad things there, but also good ones. What happened later couldn't undo the good Gale had done for her family. What a good friend he'd been. Still...

"Katniss?" Came a faint voice.

His eyes were open, and although unfocused, they understood who was there.

Katniss. No more Catnip. Not anymore. Those days were long gone.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, and her concern seemed genuine. Or maybe she'd was better at acting now. It had been years.

Gale didn't answer and tried to move away from her gaze. but no. He needed the wall. He'd dreamed of places blowing up too many times to be facing the room. He needed the wall, even though Katniss' face was there too. He couldn't bear the open space.

"Why did you do it, Gale?"

She didn't need to know. She didn't even _deserve to know_, Gale thought bitterly. She was busy in her new life with the baker. His head hurt, and he didn't need this kind of emotional crapload now. Or ever.

He didn't answer. Again. She didn't care, anyways. Of that, Gale was convinced.

"My mother called you, didn't she? And you couldn't refuse her. Well, tell her you did everything you could and be at peace. I'm tired. Go back to your district and leave me be."

"Leave you be? You're not being, Gale, you're destroying yourself. And your family on the process."

"Look," he said, managing to sit up a on his bed, even if it sent the world spinning. "I'm sorry about them, okay, I really am. But they'll manage without me. And I just... I can't... Not anymore... I... It's excruciating, Katniss. I can't bear it anymore."

She was confused. Was he talking about what she thought he was talking?

"What? What can't you bear?"

"The weight of what I did! And what I didn't do... I thought I was building a new future... Ridding ourselves of the oppressors... All I did was kill and destroy. When I close my eyes... I can't stand myself anymore. But you left - you said goodbye, you have no obligation to do this, to listen to me."

He was right. She had enough with her own pain and Peeta's. She didn't need Gale's too. She would much rather keep hating him to infinity. But she couldn't tear herself away, not someone that important was having such a difficult time. He was being eaten out by his pain and guilt, by his regret. She knew about that - even if she hadn't been quite so hopeless in a long time.

"You did a lot of good things, too. When you helped the people from 12 to you went for Peeta and the others. And before that, for my family and yours. You used to be a good man - you can be again."

"Why go through all that trouble? I'm not worth it."

"Gale..."

"And I don't have the strength, either. I'm struggling to just get out of bed a lot of days. I'm tired all day and when I want to sleep I only have nightmares. You know how difficult it can be to hold oneself together..."

"But you're strong, Gale."

"What does it matter? What do I matter? I'm sorry about my mum and my siblings, but..."

"It wasn't your fault, you know." She should have said this before. Katniss know it. "It was war - and you were just a kid. I understand that now. You were fighting the good fight and you wanted it to be over, and with us on the winning side. You made some bad decisions in an extreme situation. And you regret them. Deeply. I... hadn't known how much. I was in so much pain, it never occurred to me that you... Has it been like this all the time? All four years?"

He shook his head, faintly.

"Last two have been the worst."

It was not fair. Gale had gone through a lot, since they were young kids - and had done a lot of good deeds for his family and hers. Had supported them, put food on the table. Saved people in the evacuation. And what reward had he ever gotten? He had his family, but they were supposed to love him. And nothing else. It was obvious that his new job hadn't been fulfilling enough, not enough to drown the bad memories, the nightmares.

"I'm sorry you've suffered so much. I'm sorry about all our sufferings. But hurting yourself, losing yourself even, that is not going to change anything. Only bring more suffering."

Gale's eyes were distant. He was so tired - he was always tired these days.

"I have missed you, Gale. I didn't think I would, but I have. And now I'm realising that I abandoned you when you needed me the most. And you never left me."

There were two lone tears falling from Gale's eyes and he couldn't help them. Katniss took one of his hands.

"You have punished yourself enough, Gale. Now stop it, please. Rest, eat, take the pills they give you. Try to build something that resembles life again."

They stayed in silence for a while. They'd known each other so long that silences were no longer uncomfortable. They were meaningful now.

But Gale was still very sick and needed lots of sleep.

"I'll be back tomorrow." Katniss said, determined. He couldn't leave him again. Not now. "Don't do anything rash or you'll make me look bad in front of your mother, eh?"

He nodded, eyes almost closing.

"I've missed you too, Catnip."

She smiled at that.

It is in that moment that she decided she would put him back together no matter what.

When she left the hospital, Katniss felt happier, lighter, stronger.

This was the right thing to do.


	2. Chapter 2

She did come back the next day. Peeta was a bit worried when she didn't come back, because she had told him than she'd be back in no time, but she explained the situation and he understood. It was clear that Gale was in a very delicate condition, and would need all the help he could get.

It was a sunny Tuesday that day, and Katniss even took a few flowers for Gale's hospital room. Not the most colorful, but ones that had a very nice smell - so he could feel like he was in the forest again.

Maybe she was being too nice. She had hated him for a reason, had kept her distances for a reason.

(But then she hadn't known how much he had suffered, how much pain and horror he'd endured because of what he'd done. She had imagined him happy and that filled her with bitter thoughts. Now she knew that what she had imagined was not the truth. It had never been.)

_I have to be there because he's sick_, she told herself. _He needs reassurance, company, things that will make him want to recover_. The important thing was that he got better, that he got out of that darkness that had been destroying him. He deserved better.

When Katniss got to the room, Gale was sleeping, like the previous day, but this time he wasn't alone. Hazelle greeted her very warmly, enveloping her in a hug.

"He didn't think you'd be back." Hazelle said softly. "But you're here. And you brought flowers! Let me put those on water, all right?"

Katniss handed over the flowers and sat on the same place of the previous day, between Gale and the wall, watching him sleep. There was a new addition today, one of those plastic tubes under the nose to help one breathe better.

"Is he worse?" Katniss asked, concerned that he was still as pale and haggard as the previous day.

"No, he's stable. The oxygen is just to help a bit, given that he's so weak because of the blood loss and... But he will be fine. Gale's strong. He's always been."

Mrs. Hawthorne sat next to Katniss and smiled softly.

"Thank you so much for coming, dear. I felt I was running out of options. And sometimes it's more important who says something than the words spoken... He sounded a bit better last night, probably because of you. So, thank you."

"It's the least I could do."

They stayed like that in silence for a while. And then Katniss asked something. possibly tactless, insensitive. But she wanted to know.

"Was it you who found him?"

"No, I was out of town. And thank god... If I had actually seen him in that crimson bed... The image would be forever burned into my eyes. No, I asked one of his neighbours to watch out for him, and that morning her dog started barking like crazy to the door, probably smelling the blood. She went in, worried - practically tore the door off its hinges. Bless that woman. That's her card, right there."

Katniss looked at the get well card and saw that there was only two of them: the one from the neighbour and another one from the family, signed by all of Gale's siblings.

Then Katniss looked back at her sick friend and saw that although his eyes were still closed and he was still soundly asleep, tears were falling from his eyes.

"Is he...?"

"Yes, that happens a lot. Probably because he doesn't let himself cry properly when awake. I shouldn't have tried to raise him to be so strong.. we all have limits... Still, it's better than the dreams that end in screaming and panic."

Katniss gently wiped the tears away, but more kept falling to the cheeks, while his chest rose and fell rhythmically. It spoke volumes about Gale's state of mind.

"Hazelle, why don't you go and try to get some rest. I'll watch over him." Hazelle nodded, grateful. Sometimes it was too much for her to handle alone, but she didn't want the kids to see their brother like that. Not at least until he got a bit better.

"Thank you for this, truly. I know it must be hard for you, coming here and staying, leaving your family behind. But it has been hard on him too, really hard. It's really good for him to have a friend around."

Hazelle smiled again, kissed Gale on the forehead and left.

And they were alone again.

Just Katniss and Gale, like in the old times. Only in the old times he hadn't been all that broken, all that filled with scars. She remembered him as a kid, tall, big, handsome, hunting alongside her in the woods. He was a just a normal kid, trying to help out his family. Just like so many others in their district. And now...

He woke up a couple of hours later, eyes still wet and bright. Gale had a bit of hard time focusing, just like he always did since he landed on that hospital. His head was swimming but even through the fog he could tell that it was not his mother in front of him. It was someone else.

"I told you I'd be back."

Katniss. She'd come back, just like she said. Well, this was a surprise. He'd imagined she'd be halfway to twelve by now, back to her family. To Peeta and her home. But she was still here. He tried to sit up, but it was harder than usual, and took him a couple of minutes. No wonder. He'd been fed by IV since the... incident. (That was what her mother called it, at least).

When he finally managed to get in a decent sitting position and the world stopped spinning, he looked to his friend, who was saying something.

"Sorry, what?"

Katniss drew a small smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm being slow cooked." He said, trying to be nice. Trying to look normal. Trying to be the friend Katniss thought he still was - the person she cared about. Not this black hole of misery he'd become. It was best if she didn't see that.

Katniss put her hand in his forehead and felt it way too hot.

"Shouldn't the fever have broken by now?"

"It comes and goes. Doctors say it'll five days or so until the infection totally clears off. But don't worry, I've had worse."

Katniss smiled softly and caressed his face. He'd lost so much weight and color, his cheeks looked sunken, but still, he remained handsome. She had missed that face. Those beautiful eyes, the dark hair. HIm. All of him.

"And how are you?" He asked.

Katniss thought about it for a bit, and then spoke.

"Depends on the day, you know? Some days I don't even want to wake up, with all the memories coming back. Other days I'm really happy with my life. I feel like... every day I'm closer to accepting myself, every day I'm more at peace with my past."

(She realised she hadn't told this to anyone, not even Peeta. Maybe because Peeta's past was even more difficult than her own. Maybe because she was still careful when around him. Or maybe it was just because Gale had always been the guy she could tell everything to. When things were bad at home, or when she was worried about something she would go to Gale. She could always count on him.)

_More at peace with her past_. That sounded good to Gale, very good. It was Katniss deserved, after going through so many horrors in said past.

"Must be nice." He said - he didn't hope he could feel like that some day. That was one of the reasons why he did what he did. But it was nice to see her smile. Just that little smile was more uplifting than any other word he'd heard in the last week.

"Enough of that. So, what are you doing now? Tell me about your job." She asked, curious.

"I studied for a while, now... I help construct and design buildings. Sometimes I go to the construction sites, too, and help the builders."

"Sounds nice." She liked the idea of Gale building things, repairing them. Helping both with his mind and his hands. It had always been destruction for them (hunting, fighting in war), it was nice to see the change. That he had chosen to change and that he was able to change.

"What's the last thing you built?" She innocently asked.

Gale couldn't look at her eye in the eye when answering, so he looked up at the ceiling. It had too many connotations. Too many memories.

"A hospital."

Of course, that made her think of Prim. Of course, he would be building a hospital. She shook the thoughts away - today was not about her, but about Gale and his pain. And trying to find a way to lessen it.

"Tell me about it."

"It has twelve floors and an underground one. We call it floor thirteen."

"Clever." Katniss said. "And what's on dist-... I mean, floor twelve?"

"It's solely dedicated to amputees and prosthetics."

Like the survivors from a bombing, for example. There was a theme in this, Katniss could see it clearly. Redemption. He was looking for it everywhere. Anyway he could.

"Let me guess. You help design prosthetics, too?"

"I do what I can."

He was still looking at the ceiling, his voice merely a whisper. No. This was not good, not good at all. This misery, this constant pain he was in. Gale was strong, Gale was tough.

(But Gale was also sick, and his sickness was in his mind. He couldn't blame for this, couldn't blame him for being this depressed. And wouldn't blame him anymore. She had placed the blame on him for too long.)

Katniss had a terrible urge to fix things. To make him who he used to be again.

"Gale, look at me." He was still looking at the ceiling. "I said, look at me."

His eyes were bright, full of emotion. Gale felt that he had no right. No right to feel proud of his job, no right to tell her. No right at all. He deserved only the pain - nothing he did now would erase what he'd done in the past. The lives he'd taken. _She_ wouldn't ever come back. He had no right to happiness.

And Katniss could see that all his efforts towards redemption had felt useless, to him, at least. There had been no one telling he was doing a good job, that he was making up for the past. No one that mattered.

"You're doing good, Gale. You are helping others and you have a family that loves you. I still care about you, Gale, more than I would like to admit."

She caressed the face, again, softly. Gale closed his eyes.

"Now you have to let go of the past."

But there was something else wrong... something big.

"You didn't answer me yesterday... Why did you do it? Just because of the nightmares... or was there something else?"

It was too much. Too much for him to handle. Only days ago he was ready to die, had everything prepared and now... it was too much. The mere thought of hope... Now. It would all be destroyed again. He closed his eyes and pain crossed his features, the machines around him making strange sounds. Too much. It was all too much.

Doctors ushered Katniss out of the room.

"I'll be back, Gale." She managed to say before she left. "I'll be back for you - I'm not leaving you again."

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! I checked for mistakes here and in chapter one, hope it's better now. Reviews always appreciated!


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